Do I look like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model?

No, but I'm exactly what you need to see in a bikini

I have put myself out there applying for artist residencies and grants and poetry journals and art exhibitions and big national fellowships and small local jobs for over 20 years. More often than not this past decade I’m rejected over and over despite being overqualified. I’ve been a finalist in awards and big nationally known magazine articles and haven’t been selected. I spent a year writing an entire book of essays on motherhood, parenting, body image and feminism in a really unique way and had a big New York City editor pitching it to the top five publishers and was turned down over and over. I’ve written before about this rejection and how hard and heartbreaking it is.

In a piece from 2019, I wrote:

I’ve got stories upon stories to tell and write and share and despite all this rejection, I feel like they’re important and hope there’s a place for them out there, somewhere. Perhaps I just haven’t found it yet. Even if it’s just in a file on my laptop that my kids might find and print someday after I die. It tells a pretty good story about them - and their mom - and lots of women everywhere. It’s a story about standing up and being scared and being brave and speaking the truth even though you might have to wipe the puke off the notepad to do it.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

-Erma Bombeck

Twice over the last decade in different situations and by two different people I’ve been told I’m like a modern day Erma Bombeck which feels like such a compliment and something to really aspire to. Because if parenting has taught me anything it’s taught me resilience and ingenuity and how to be patient and multi-task like a motherfucker.

This is the year I turn 50 and I made the New Year’s Resolution (I prefer to call it Revolution) to be bolder, brasher & sexier in 2025. I’ve always been a storyteller in so many ways, not just on the page, and willing to push the envelope & put myself out there, but it still feels hard & scary every time I do. I feel foolish & often fail, but I keep picking myself back up & trying again. I just applied to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Search 2025 & this is my official 1 minute application video (also shared below). Sports Illustrated Swim Search is an annual open casting call that offers opportunities for all individuals regardless of prior experience. The goal is to identify and elevate a group of individuals who embody confidence, empowerment, and individuality. Sports Illustrated Swim isn’t just about beauty; it’s about embracing who you are and what you stand for. I know this is a one in a million chance & I know no one like me has ever been featured in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues before. I also know that if I were given a chance, if folks saw me in my plus-sized, silver-haired, aging & beautiful body on a runway or the pages of a magazine rocking a bikini, it could be life-changing for all of us.

I mean, you lose out on 100% of the risks you don’t take in life, right?

I am a 49-year-old fat feminist Idaho mother who believes in opening her mouth & her heart. From both places I tell stories, as a writer, historian, a model & visual artist. I have been a body image activist for the past 16 years & became internationally known for my radical stand for self-love at the Capital City Public Market in 2015 in Boise, Idaho, which was documented in a blog post, photographs & a video viewed over 200 million times. I often use my body as a canvas for my art & activism & am also the creator of a subversive art selfie series reviving the plus-sized illustrated pinup girl Hilda. I continue to lead the body positive revolution through public speaking and education, including on the TEDx stage, in camps and classes to students young and old, the Boise Rad Fat Collective and in the press.

Here’s to being brave & daring to change the narrative, one bold step & one darling bathing suit at a time. Wish me luck!